I just got home from this super awkward date where halfway through this guy busts out the fact that he’s into anime and right then and there I lost all forms of sexual interest (limp). He seemed totally normal, but after he exposed that fact I started noticing all these things about him: doofy laugh, socially awkward, not into going to the movies. I dunno why I be attracting them video...
My boss left the office to go grab food, leaving me all alone. I figured it was the perfect time to check my voicemail (a god damn San Diego realtor keeps calling me thinking I’m an agent looking for property for my client.) I discovered I had a voicemail from Amanda from a few weeks ago. All she said to me in the voicemail: “Are you always taking a shit?” So simple. So...
I could go days without even thinking of a cigarette, it was more habitual than an addiction. But now that I’m attempting to quit, or at least cut back to only social situations, it’s all I can think about. I’m wondering what mundane task I can complete so I can go drive around and have a cigarette. I can already tell, this is going to get ugly.
Why do pot and fulfillment always smell so similar….
You ever do that thing where you tell friends they can “totally spend the night” then you never asked your mom so you’re hoping she’s cool with the dude in the spare bedroom?
I have a reputation of being hungover at every family function….I’m keeping the dream alive tomorrow.
Mom: I can't tell, do I look more like Bozo the Clown or like I have dogs ears with this hairdo?
Me: Kathy Bates, in Misery, after she broke the dude's legs.
Mom: Nailed it.
Preview The Walking Dead issue 79. →
Oh I don’t talk to any of them, I just let them tell me I’m pretty.– online dating strategy. (via girlinport)
Today, I’m 16 again. I’m rockin a paper temporary drivers license and a debit card. I have to hide my cigarettes from my mom and I haven’t had sex in my own bed since Fullerton cause my parents are always home.
Scammin on dudes at the DMV, realizing they’re here with their moms to take their permit test.
The teenage girl in me is dying a little right now. Yeah, I took this shit from Perezhilton.com. Wanna fight?
kelleeeee: imma get up on my soapbox for just a minute here .. what the FUCK is up with all the cheating? every day i hear another story about someone cheating on someone .. muster up the courage and tell the person you’re with you don’t have what it takes to be in a monogamous relationship, THEN go do whatever you need to. or switch that little facebook status to “open relationship.” BE...
And then it hit me. My Regal Crown Club card was in my wallet. All those points wasted.
Well behaved women never make history
If this is wrong, I don’t want to be right. Download the new Girl Talk Album and get your friends to dance like this.
kelleeeee: Girl Talk is how hipsters listen to top 40 songs without admitting they listen to the radio.
I find it interesting that when girls are talking to guys they suddenly forget any previous events and have to re-affirm their actions with their other female counterparts.
Boy1: So, what did you guys do last night?
Girl1: Oh, I dunno. [Girl2] what did we do last night?
Girl2: Oh, I dunno. Didn't we drive around?
Boy2: Where did you drive to?
Girl2: I don't remember, [Girl1], where did we go last night?
wipethatfaceoffyourhead: Brink: Val and his crew were dissin’ us. We started givin’ ‘em beef right back, but they wanted to hit it right there at school. Clearly, we couldn’t step off, so we had to battle. Ralph Brinker: Don’t they teach English at your school? …what am I askin’ you for…? You haven’t been there long enough to find out! Brink: Ugh! Dad, were you even listening?! Ralph Brinker:...
It’s tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that’s right on time.
“Colours” by Grouplove Download...
A lot of people want to be Cary Grant, and I’m one of them.– Cary Grant
Classy girls are like turtles. They rarely get on their back, but when they do...
Goodnight Beast at Detroit Bar. Nov. 1
Who else watched The Walking Dead?!