Bitches be Crazy: Archive

3 tags

I just got home from this super awkward date where halfway through this guy busts out the fact that he’s into anime and right then and there I lost all forms of sexual interest (limp). He seemed totally normal, but after he exposed that fact I started noticing all these things about him: doofy laugh, socially awkward, not into going to the movies. I dunno why I be attracting them video...

Dec 1st

1 note

2 tags

My boss left the office to go grab food, leaving me all alone. I figured it was the perfect time to check my voicemail (a god damn San Diego realtor keeps calling me thinking I’m an agent looking for property for my client.) I discovered I had a voicemail from Amanda from a few weeks ago. All she said to me in the voicemail: “Are you always taking a shit?” So simple. So...

Nov 30th

60 notes

1 tag

I could go days without even thinking of a cigarette, it was more habitual than an addiction. But now that I’m attempting to quit, or at least cut back to only social situations, it’s all I can think about. I’m wondering what mundane task I can complete so I can go drive around and have a cigarette. I can already tell, this is going to get ugly.

Nov 30th

2 tags

Nov 29th

Nov 28th

5,549 notes

Why do pot and fulfillment always smell so similar….

Nov 27th

Nov 26th

You ever do that thing where you tell friends they can “totally spend the night” then you never asked your mom so you’re hoping she’s cool with the dude in the spare bedroom?

Nov 25th

2 tags

I have a reputation of being hungover at every family function….I’m keeping the dream alive tomorrow.

Nov 25th

17,247 notes

Mom: I can't tell, do I look more like Bozo the Clown or like I have dogs ears with this hairdo?  
Me: Kathy Bates, in Misery, after she broke the dude's legs.  
Mom: Nailed it.

Nov 25th

1 tag

Nov 24th

147 notes

2 tags

Nov 24th

1 tag

Preview The Walking Dead issue 79. →

Nov 23rd

“Oh I don’t talk to any of them, I just let them tell me I’m pretty.”

– online dating strategy. (via girlinport)

Nov 23rd

2 notes

1 tag

Today, I’m 16 again. I’m rockin a paper temporary drivers license and a debit card. I have to hide my cigarettes from my mom and I haven’t had sex in my own bed since Fullerton cause my parents are always home.

Nov 22nd

2 notes

1 tag

Scammin on dudes at the DMV, realizing they’re here with their moms to take their permit test.

Nov 22nd

5 tags

Watch

The teenage girl in me is dying a little right now. Yeah, I took this shit from Perezhilton.com. Wanna fight?

Nov 22nd

588 notes

kelleeeee: imma get up on my soapbox for just a minute here .. what the FUCK is up with all the cheating? every day i hear another story about someone cheating on someone .. muster up the courage and tell the person you’re with you don’t have what it takes to be in a monogamous relationship, THEN go do whatever you need to. or switch that little facebook status to “open relationship.” BE...

Nov 21st

And then it hit me. My Regal Crown Club card was in my wallet. All those points wasted.

Nov 20th

“Well behaved women never make history”

Nov 20th

Nov 18th

1 tag

Watch

If this is wrong, I don’t want to be right. Download the new Girl Talk Album and get your friends to dance like this.

Nov 17th

kelleeeee: Girl Talk is how hipsters listen to top 40 songs without admitting they listen to the radio.

Nov 16th

41 notes

Nov 12th

345 notes

1 tag

 I find it interesting that when girls are talking to guys they suddenly forget any previous events and have to re-affirm their actions with their other female counterparts.  
Boy1: So, what did you guys do last night?
Girl1: Oh, I dunno. [Girl2] what did we do last night?
Girl2: Oh, I dunno. Didn't we drive around?
Boy2: Where did you drive to?
Girl2: I don't remember, [Girl1], where did we go last night?

Nov 12th

Nov 11th

Brink!

wipethatfaceoffyourhead: Brink: Val and his crew were dissin’ us. We started givin’ ‘em beef right back, but they wanted to hit it right there at school. Clearly, we couldn’t step off, so we had to battle. Ralph Brinker: Don’t they teach English at your school? …what am I askin’ you for…? You haven’t been there long enough to find out! Brink: Ugh! Dad, were you even listening?! Ralph Brinker:...

Nov 9th

8 notes

It’s tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that’s right on time.

Nov 9th